I’d have to say that there have been specific months & years in my lifetime that seem to combine several momentous occasions and life changes all together, and then there are others that seem to pass by with very little changes to remember. Spring of 2017 will most certainly embody the former!
As I’ve mentioned in a previous post, I’m expecting a baby boy in the next month. That by itself may be the most extreme change I have yet faced in my 32 years (well…besides being born). I’ve moved several times, married, lived overseas, and went off to 2 very different colleges, but from what I understand, becoming a mother is something else entirely. Am I ready??? Of course not! Until about 8 months ago, I had my doubts that I would ever have children. Don’t get me wrong, kids were part of the OFFICIAL plan since I married Mr. Brown almost 5 years ago, but deep down I don’t think I honestly believed it would happen.
So there’s that…
A new baby that will forever change the course of my life. DUE May 27th 2017.
In January, I was also aware that I would most likely say goodbye to my lovely father this year. After fighting his way through a bout of stomach cancer a couple years ago, it came back with a vengeance before he’d had a chance to gather his strength to fight it again. Choosing to spend the rest of his days enjoying his family and projects instead of starting another intense round of chemo treatments (that weren’t likely to succeed), Dad accepted his fate and so did we.
In mid-April, surrounded by his family and showered with love, dad breathed his last.
I have never seen a death before, so I don’t know how these things usually go, but I was honored to be sitting beside him. I prayed till the very end for healing, and even now catch myself wanting to ask God to change his mind and bring dad back, but I’m so grateful that I spent dad’s last days near him. I’m so grateful that my father lived a life of integrity and showed all of us just how much he loved and appreciated us. There was no business to resolve, or wounds to mend, and although it’s easy for me to find myself very sad about losing him, I know that it’s also ok for me to look forward to the future and be joyful.
The day my father died, another significant occasion occurred…
My husband left for his deployment.
Yes, with the exception of 2 weeks leave once baby Brown appears (in May hopefully!), Mr. Brown will be MIA for the rest of this year and into 2018. Obviously the timing isn’t great… But we’ve known for awhile that this was a possibility, and I’m trusting that our baby’s birth was actually timed out perfectly. I never planned on mothering a baby on my own, and I’m not going to lie, I’m still not nuts about the idea, but deep down I know that I won’t be alone at all. If I’ve learned anything from the past month, it’s that I am most certainly not alone. In addition to luxury of trusting God with my future, I also am surrounded by loving family and friends, many of whom have made it perfectly clear that I have help and support. That makes all the difference.
Happy Spring everyone! Anyone else out there expecting big changes this season?